By

Brian W. Antoine

April 12, 1993

"Penny! Fire up the modem, we have a Jeff to flame!"

"Which Jeff?"

"Huh?"

"Which Jeff are we going to flame? Jeff the DOS programmer?"

"No, not that one."

"How about Jeff the corrupter of small children?"

"No, not that one either."

"Ok, how about Jeff the pitiful systems administrator?"

"THAT'S THE ONE!"

"GREAT! What did he do this time?"

"Well, he said some not nice things about you..."

"THAT FIEND! BREAK OUT THE BOILING OIL!"

"And he said some not nice things about Kalindra..."

"THAT DESPICABLE CAD! GET THE DULL KNIVES AND SALT!"

"And he implied some not nice things about me..."

"So what..."

"Huh?" <insert sound effect of CPU cabinet being kicked>

"Oh yeah, THAT MISERABLE PERSON! FIND ME SOME WET NOODLES!"

"But worst of all..."

"How could there be worse!"

"He won't use his correct e-mail address in his signature file."

"SUCH UNSPEAKABLE HORROR! This cannot go unpunished!"

"I agree, we need a virus."

"One thousand warrior Smurfs, ready to invade on your command!"

"No, no. I want something more deadly."

"One hundred battle hardened, kamikaze Easter bunnies standing by!"

"NO, No, no, you don't understand. I want something that will strike such terror into his heart that he will become a quivering mass of goo within seconds of its discovery."

"Hum..... I HAVE IT! I've been doing some computer modeling on human emotional responses and have just the thing."

"Good, and just what is this horror comprised of?"

"Well, it has the cunning and skill of a Kirkpatrick..."

"Sounds good so far."

"The morals and resourcefulness of an Antoine..."

"God what a combination."

"And the intelligence of a Laird."

"Well THAT makes it fucking useless. But whatever it does to his system, it will be annoying as all hell. SHIP IT!"

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