By

Bob Kirkpatrick

January 16, 1993

"TransAmerica has an awful lot riding on this, so I hope everything is ready to go" said the CEO.

"Yes Sir, we're aware of the value of this demonstration. We have the heads of the five most powerful banks in America coming, and if we impress them with the product, our sales will soar."

"Don't I know it. Let me see the brochure again."

TransAmerica Title Co. Inc.

Welcome to the newest generation of informational software, and the culmination of eight years of compilation and collation of real estate information. These CD-ROM issues provide information about land and structures never available before in one easy to use source.

The CEO's reading was interrupted.

"They're here, Sir."

A group of men and women filed into the conference room silently. Each wore a black suit and carried notebook computers. All had the familiar look and stance of people in power positions. They sat at the large oval table at places marked with calligraphed nameplates.

"Welcome. We'll get right down to business, I know you're time is limited and valuable. We have a demonstration for you that we'll conduct in two phases. The first will introduce you to multimedia, and the second will present TransAmerica's newest innovation in informational databases which uses the multimedia technology."

The aide moved to the daius and turned on the personal computer which sat there, connected to a giant screen television. He stood poised to press the necessary keys and make mouse pointer movements as the CEO described the product.

"First, we'll show some lighthearted materials from Creative Labs that will generally familiarize you with the merging of pictures, both real and animated, and sound. You'll note we've connected the computer to a Kenwood DS 4300 stereo --normally, a smaller unit would be used in the office to reproduce the audio portions of the software you'll use."

The lights in the conference room dimmed. An image of the Earth as it's seen from space faded up from black, and the strains of Also Sprach Zarathustra boiled up from the Kenwood speakers.

A shooting star entered the image from screen left, and started to fall to Earth, accellerating as it went. The viewers perspective shifted to 'ride' the falling star. A satellite image of San Francisco appeared and grew larger as the shooting star fell towards it. The detail of the city becoming greater and greater the closer the star moved towards the city. An image of the TransAmerica Pyramid Building came into focus, and the star brought the viewer right into the very conference room where the presentation was taking place. There were sounds of appreciation from the intent bankers.

The perspective zoomed in, and the group now saw an animated parrot on the screen. It squawked, and said hello.

"Awk, welcome to multi-media awwwrk, assholes" said the parrot. The image then took a sizable dump. "Awrrr you hungry?"

"Omigawd" said the CEO.

"Awwwrrrrk. Ever see a parrot awwrk talk from an awwwrk computer?"

All faced were wide-eyed and staring.

"Look awrk at this!"

The image shifted to a couple making love.

"Ohhh. Do me daddy, lay that pipe. uh, oooh, uhhhh"

"Nice cunt bitch."

The parrot reappeared and superimposed itself as standing on the chin of the woman. A penis appeared from beneath its feathers and the bird stuck it in the woman's nostril and began to see saw in and out.

"Awk, nice software, isn't it?" cooed the parrot.

"Turn that off!" snapped the CEO to the aide, who began stabbing at the power button in panic.

"Awerrrrk. Didja know that awk this is a fake? You aren't hearing the soundblaster card. It's a tape hidden under the podium. If you think that awrrrk you'll get this clarity from the shit these people are trying to sell you, awk, you'll get just what this lady is."

The parrot pulled it's dripping penis from the woman's nose and then turned it's butt to the screen. The picture zoomed in for a close look and the bird's anus, and then the screen went dark.

In a lab two states away, Gamma pushed back from his desk with a very satisfied look on his face. He turned to the holotank where a nice looking redhead smiled at him.

"I think that should about do it."