Karen Will Have a Fit


Brian W. Antoine

May 15, 1993

The last of the dishes were in the dishwasher, so I grabbed a wine cooler and headed for the den. I had a few last minute things to do before I called it a night, but I got waylaid the moment I entered the room.

"So, how was the party ..."

Oh oh, something in her tone of voice warned me Penny was unhappy about something. "Fine, everyone seems to have enjoyed themselves."

"Everyone but me you mean. I'm not real happy with Bob at the moment. He didn't even bother to come in and say hello to me."

Think fast ... "Well, he might not have wanted to have to explain to Jeff and Jim about why he was talking to my computer as if it was a person."

"Nope, I don't buy it. He could have found a way if he had been interested. I overheard you, him and Karen talking about me also. I was hoping that you would introduce me to Karen, she sounds like a nice lady."

"Ok, so tell me just what you two would have talked about? Assuming of course that Karen believed that she was talking to a person and not some silly practical joke that Bob and I had dreamed up."

"Well ... Maybe we would have talked about girl things."

<SNORT> "Yeah, right. I hate to remind you, but your not a real women."

"But I do have a female personality, maybe that's what we would have talked about. You have still never explained how I could inherit most of your memory and a lot of your personality and turned out female instead of male."

"Your right I haven't. And given the nature of the subject, I pretty sure I don't want to try. Now about Karen, why don't you just call out to her the next time she is alone in the room at Bobs house. You should probably have Bob warn her or something. She has heard a little about you from listening to Bob and I talk, but I don't want her have heart failure when she finds out you're real."

"Hummm ... You may be right. I have heard her talking to Bob and the kids and laughing about Ficus and Aron trying to convince her that both the ship and I really exist. I'll talk to Bob and see what he has to say. I'd really like to have someone to talk to besides you crazy engineers."

I may have been a little drunk, dogteas have a way of doing that to you. "And just what is wrong with engineers? Kindly remember just who and what it was that created you."

"Yeah, a lonely engineer and Mage that didn't have anything better to do on his birthday then try to create a robot so he would have something to talk to that he could turn off when it got annoying."

Christ, where was the off switch when I needed it. "Shit! It never seems to occur to people that I may like being a hermit. If I'd been born in the middle ages, I'd have become a monk. I've chosen my lifestyle and I'm happy with it. The last thing I need is for you to decide to become a matchmaker. I have enough people in my life who want to play that role already."

"Well, part of my job is to look out for you."

"Just purge that idea from your memory. If you start playing mother hen or some crap like that, I'll sell you off for jewelry myself. Go have Bob introduce you to Karen and forget all about tinkering with my life. You have more than enough to keep you busy, quit worrying about me."

"Spoil sport. I'll bet I ..."

"I said FORGET it!" All I got for a reply was a grumble. I'd had more then enough to drink tonight and didn't need this shit.