Who's calling who silly?


Brian W. Antoine

April 11, 1995

It was supposed to have been a quiet day at home with a couple of books I'd brought back with me the last time I'd been Earthside. A couple of my favorite authors had released new books and I wanted to kickback, relax, and ignore the worlds for awhile. I should have known better ...

Having a cookie with a string tied to it, lowered into your field of view and then swung back and forth, does tend to get your attention. "You are feeling sleepy ..." came the familiar voice from behind my chair.

The first problem was that I was feeling anything but sleepy. The second was that Lythandi couldn't aim worth shit and she kept hitting me with the cookie. "Hummm... Lemon. Why am I not surprised. Have I forgotten to tell you today that you are a silly Velan?" Instead of answering me, she turned and started whispering to her cohort in crime.

"He's not reacting right. What do we do now?"

I tilted my head back a little further and found Kalindra standing behind my chair with a faint expression of disgust on her muzzle. "You two have been into my cartoon collection again, haven't you."

With that, she brightened right up and conjured an illusionary mallet with the word ACME written in Velan on the side. "I'd hate to waste a good cookie. Now you _are_ feeling sleepy, aren't you" and she tapped the mallet against her hand for effect.

I looked from the mallet, to Kalindra, to the cookie that was swinging to a stop in front of me, and replied "I am feeling sleepy" in a monotone. What the hell, I wasn't going to get to read my book until they finished with me anyway ...

"You are in our power ..."

"Damn right I am ..." <whap> "I am in your power ..." <grumble> I heard them whispering behind me for a moment or two and then the cookie was pulled away and I heard someone swallowing it. Waste a cookie indeed. I think my mate must be the fattest vixen on the whole silly planet. I'm not however stupid enough to say that where she can hear it. I'm getting just old enough where broken bones are a pain to deal with while they heal.

"You will take us shopping ..."

Shit. "I will take you shopping ..." and I hauled myself out of the chair to follow them as they grabbed their stuff and our son and headed for the door. Naldantis hadn't joined us, so I figured he'd gotten wind of what was going on early enough to have hidden better than I had. That was one I owed him and I made a note to spend some time coming up with something suitable. Then I found out the first of many reasons I'd gotten tagged for duty.

"We don't want to walk into town, our clothes would get all dusty! Think of something oh slave of the cookie ..."

I had to admit they had a point. Lythandi was wearing the thin Gold outfit I'd gotten for her and Kal had gone all out to be eye catching. Then I realized they hadn't specified _how_ I was to get them to town quickly and a small grin crossed my face for a moment. "Get on my back small one" and I knelt down so Lan Louis could ride piggy back. Then, after making sure the draw string on my pants was loosened slightly, I shifted shape and grabbed Kal and Lyth in my arms. Cartoons were the theme it seemed, and I used one of my favorites. With a cheerful "Beep Beep!", the Roadrunner took off for town with a kid riding on his back and two screaming females tucked under his wings.

"We are at the town as you requested, oh master with the mallet that looks larger than before." Since I wasn't sure just how real that crazy looking thing was, I made sure I stood out of range as I dropped the illusion and shifted back. Then I stood there and tried to look my pitiful best as I cowered before this worlds ArchMage. The noises I made and the snickers the people passing us were making finally convinced Kal to discard the mallet and laugh along with them.

"Next time we have to give him better instructions." Lythandi was still playing with her blouse as she grumbled in agreement. She wasn't dusty, but I'd been moving fast enough that both of them looked like they'd been through a wind storm. "Since he's made a mess of our clothing, I guess we'll just have to buy all new clothes." That cheered Lythandi right up, and elicited a small groan from me. I could almost guess what was coming. "I hope you're feeling strong, we are going to have a few packages for you to carry." I was right ...

* * *

A few packages turned out to be an understatement. There was a small mountain of stuff sitting next to me in the park and I was having one hell of a time figuring out how to get it all home. What was worse was the fact that some of it was mine. It seemed that while the loose fitting pants and vest that I'd taken to wearing lately were "not too bad", they were "definitely the wrong color". Somewhere in that pile of stuff was a pair of day-glow yellow pants that I intended to burn the first time Kalindra wasn't looking. The purple pants and green vest I was currently wearing weren't going to be far behind.

"My mother is being silly today" came the sage statement from my son as he sat beside me guarding the pile of packages.

"Your mother is always silly, today she just isn't bothering very hard to hide it. It must be 'spring fever' or something."

I watched as Lan thought about that for a second. "But it's not spring?" I didn't bother to answer him because we both heard Lythandi laughing in the distance as they brought another collection of packages to add to the pile. "I could be wrong though ..." and he helped me stack the batch of stuff that I got handed.

"He isn't looking very happy" was the pseudo-worried comment from Kalindra.

"Maybe we didn't buy him clothes that were pretty enough?"

I think I actually winced at the word 'pretty', but made sure I pasted the best grin I owned on my face. "I _love_ everything you have gotten me master" I cried as I fell to my knees in front of them.

"Good, they we should get you some more! Follow me Lythandi, I saw this nice little shop ..."

Fuck, out smarted again ...

"Da? You didn't bring the _flisbee_ with you, did you? This is kind of boring sitting here."

"That's 'frisbee' and no I didn't. But," I said when I saw the expression on Lan's face, "even us slaves deserve a little fun!" I closed my eyes for a second and called to my draconic companion back at the house. A few seconds later he arrived with a <pop> and dropped the frisbee I'd picked up a few months back into my hands. Then, knowing what was probably going to happen, he flitted to the top of the packages and waited.

I'd picked the thing up because I'd always liked playing with them. What I hadn't expected was how much of a hit the stupid thing would be on Velar. Being afraid of heights, they had never done much of anything with the idea of flight or toys that left the ground. This simple toy that could float through the air had become an instant hit. Standing there at the edge of the public park, it didn't take long for the word to get around that a game was starting.

The most popular game was something of a cross between 'Tag' and 'Keepaway'. Reaching over I swatted Lan on the butt with the frisbee and then tossed it to someone who had stopped about twenty yards away to watch us. Lan took off after it with a yell and the game began. Having a small dragon who liked snatching the disc out of mid-air join in the mayhem, just added to the fun. We spent almost an hour playing while Kal and Lyth raised hell in the local shops. Anybody was fair game if they stepped within the bounds of the park. It didn't seem to matter how old they were, everyone got a chance to have a little fun.

"Did I give my slave permission to stop guarding my packages?" The growl that followed that remark was as fake as the toothy grin that I saw as I froze and turned to look at Kalindra. Freezing in place also made me a great target and somebody behind he bounced the frisbee off my head with an audible <bonk>. I couldn't pass an opening like that up.

"Uh, what am I doing in town?" I asked as I pretended to look around me in shock. "The last thing I remember was a cookie ..." and I turned to glare at Lythandi.

"Uh, does this mean we have to carry our own packages?" she said in a tiny voice as she started to back away from me.

"I've been hypnotized ..." I growled.

Both Lythandi and Kalindra took small pieces of candy from their pockets and placed them on the ground in front of them as they backed away. "I don't suppose we could talk you into being reasonable about this ..."

I just grinned. "My name is Elmer J. Fudd, ArchMage. I own a starship and two silly vixens ..." and I charged.

It was a good thing they had bartered or bought so much clothing. What they were wearing as I charged them got pretty much destroyed after I managed to throw both of them in the river. Unfortunately for me, I ended up having to choose between going naked or wearing those damn yellow pants.